Mulla Nasrudin Story Collection 5

A Buffet Supper

Mulla Nasrudin’s wife said to him at a buffet supper: “That’s the fifth time you have gone back for more fried chicken. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” “NOT AT ALL,” he said. “I KEEP TELLING THEM I AM GETTING IT FOR YOU.” 

A Bridegroom

Mulla Nasrudin came up and shook hands with the future bridegroom. “Congratulations, friend,” he said, “on this, one of the happiest days of your life.” “But I am not getting married until tomorrow,” said the future bridegroom. “I KNOW,” said the Mulla. “THAT’S WHAT MAKES THIS ONE OF YOUR HAPPIEST DAYS.” 

Mulla’s Wife

Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were gossiping about the recent wedding scandal. “Just think,” said the wife, “it was just as the bride was coming down the aisle that the groom suddenly turned and ran from the church and skipped town. I guess he lost his nerve.” “OH, I DON’T THINK SO,” said the Mulla. “I FIGURE HE FOUND IT.”

Mother’s Fall

“Daddy, Daddy,” the girl cried. “Mummy has just fallen off the roof!” “I KNOW, DEAR,” said Mulla Nasrudin. “I SAW HER PASS THE WINDOW.”

The Election

The election was being challenged by the defeated candidate, Mulla Nasrudin. “I know it was crooked,” said the Mulla. “A FRIEND OF MINE VOTED FOR ME FIFTEEN TIMES IN THE THIRD PRECINCT AND I DIDN’T GET BUT FOUR VOTES THERE.” 

Mulla’s Political Speech

The rival political candidates were scheduled to speak at the county fair on the same program. Mulla Nasrudin was chosen to introduce them. He arose and said, “I want to present to you a man who, above anyone, has the welfare of each and everyone of you at heart. More than anyone I know, he is devoted to our great and glorious nation.” Then he turned to the candidates and asked, “WHICH OF YOU FELLOWS WANTS TO TALK FIRST?” 

Mulla and Driver

Mulla Nasrudin was complaining about the slowness of the bus to the driver. After he couldn’t stand the complaining any longer, the driver said, “If you don’t like it, why don’t you get out and walk?” “I WOULD,” said the Mulla, “BUT MY WIFE IS GOING TO MEET ME AND SHE DOESN’T EXPECT ME UNTIL THIS BUS GETS THERE.”

New Man

The new man in town told Mulla Nasrudin, “I have come out here to make an honest living.” “WELL,” said the Mulla, “THERE’S NOT MUCH COMPETITION.” 

Mulla in a Bar

Mulla Nasrudin rushed into a bar and said breathlessly, “The usual, please, and hurry, I gotta catch my train.” The bartender set up five martinis in a row and the Mulla gulped the second, third and fourth, leaving the first and last drinks on the bar. Then he rushed out as rapidly as he had entered. A bystander asked the bartender why the customer left the two drinks. “Oh, he does that all the time,” said the bartender. “He says THE FIRST ONE ALWAYS TASTES TERRIBLE AND THE LAST ONE GETS HIM IN TROUBLE AT HOME.” 

Mulla’s Complaint

Mulla Nasrudin was complaining about his wife to a friend. “I don’t know what I am going to do about her,” he said. “She has the worst memory in the world.” “You mean she forgets everything?” asked his friend. “HECK, NO,” said Nasrudin. “SHE REMEMBERS EVERYTHING.” 

Mulla’s Doctor Joke

“Doctor,” a woman said as she rushed into Mulla Nasrudin’s house, “I want you to tell me frankly, exactly what is wrong with me.” Nasrudin looked her over from head to foot, then said, “Madam, I have three things to tell you. First, you are about fifty pounds overweight, Second, your looks would be improved if you took off several layers of rouge and lipstick. AND THIRD, I AM NOT THE DOCTOR. THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE IS ACROSS THE STREET.” 

Mulla’s Fishing

Mulla Nasrudin had been fishing all afternoon. A man, who had just walked up, asked him, “How many have you caught today, Mulla?” “Well,” said Nasrudin, “IF I CATCH THIS ONE THAT’S NIBBLING, AND THEN TWO MORE, I WILL HAVE THREE.” 

Mulla and his Lawyer

Mulla Nasrudin went to see his lawyer about a divorce. “What grounds do you think you have for a divorce?” the lawyer asked. “It’s my wife’s manners,” said the Mulla. “She has such bad table manners that she is disgracing the whole family.” “That’s bad,” the lawyer said. “How long have you been married?” “Nine years,” said the Mulla. “If you have been able to put up with her table manners for nine years, I can’t understand why you want a divorce now,” the lawyer said. “WELL,” said Nasrudin, “I DIDN’T KNOW IT BEFORE. I JUST BOUGHT A BOOK OF ETIQUETTE THIS MORNING.” 

Mulla and Insurance

“Insurance is the greatest thing in the world,” the eager insurance salesman said to his prospect, Mulla Nasrudin. “Why, I carry a $75,000 policy on my own life, payable to my wife.” “IN THAT CASE,” said Nasrudin, “WHAT EXCUSE DO YOU HAVE FOR LIVING?” 

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